Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
