I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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