....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
