Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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