We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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