So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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