2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
