Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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