did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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