i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
