Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
