my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
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Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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