Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
farters have to be the big spoon...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
