All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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