My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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