True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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