he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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