im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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