i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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