I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
