on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
