kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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