You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
