I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
my liver is dry heaving
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
