remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Green mimosas i think yes
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
