So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
This is my gift to your gina
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
