your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
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my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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