I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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