Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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