A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
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He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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