You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
