Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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