Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
