dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
