I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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