Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
