Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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