the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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