Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
