Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have already put on my inside pants.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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