You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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