just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
