I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
