she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
