sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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