'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
