he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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