is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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