hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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