ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
