5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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