I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
