"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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