i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
