what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
