I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Porn is love you can see.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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