So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
