Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
