i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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