dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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