Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
