Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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