My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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