I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
