clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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