He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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