Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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